Oh
wives of the Da’ees (those who work day and night calling to Islam)
fear Allah and be firm and patient. Verily you are the cause of the
success of your husband’s da’wah and the cause of its decline.
There
is a saying that behind every great man is a great woman. Many people
differ about this parable, between those in support of it and those who
appose it. I believe we all must agree about the importance of the wife
in the life of her husband and the fact she has a role that if
fulfilled, the boat of da’wah will sail peacefully and successfully.
For this reason we find the Messenger Muhammad (saw) emphasised on the
importance of the woman in more than just one place. He encouraged the
Muslim man about the necessity to look for a wife with good Deen
(practicing woman), who fears Allah in her relationship with her
husband, at his home and with his children.
I
believe nobody will differ with me if I say that the Da’ees are so
needy for a unique, sophisticated, special, and magnificent wife unlike
any other, who will stand by him through hardship and ease, supporting
him, staying at his home helping him to fulfil his roles and
responsibilities, encouraging him to carry da’wah more and more and to
fulfil his mission.
The wife of a Da’ee needs to have these qualities because:
1. The
da’ee is different from any other man. His time schedule is not like
any others, nor is his concern like the concern of others. Therefore
his actions and efforts will inevitably be different from the actions
of other men. An average man’s concerns are nothing but his own
personal concerns such as food, clothes and shelter. Whereas the da’ees
concerns do not stop to the limit of only a house, food and children
but rather his concerns escalates to the level of being concerned about
the recovery of the Ummah, to live her concerns and suffering and
working actively to change that reality from a state of fear to a state
of peace.
2. The
normal man does not have any concerns but to seek his provision and to
enter happiness into the hearts of his family by fulfilling their
wishes. Whereas the work and concerns of the da’ee will be multiplied
and increased to the limit that he will have very little time left to
his wife or to his own children, not to mention to be concerned about
his health and wealth to a level where his wife may believe that he is
neglecting her as he is so busy with the affairs of the Muslim Ummah,
more than his own family affairs. Therefore if a Muslim woman does not
support her husband who is a da’ee nor does she have an extra talent
that distinguishes her from any other woman, who looks to the concerns
and visions of her husband and how much it is more important than any
other concern, then no doubt her husband’s ship will face a huge
struggle to sail in the ocean of difficulties from the enemies,
opponents and disbelievers. And that will be the first nail in their
relationship.
Excuse
me if I put an example that could relate to you but I do not mean a
particular person. Let us imagine a da’ee who comes back to his home
after a hard days work, exhausting himself for the sake of calling
people to Islam, commanding good and forbidding evil and elevating this
Ummah for the sake of Allah. Suddenly he finds that when he arrives
home, there is a woman who declares her rejection, moaning and
complaining about the long time she spends on her own at home or
repeats in his ears the same list of complaints and demands and throws
them over his head without to bother about the damage that could happen
to him, their relationship or the da’wah.
Let
us imagine a woman who looks in the face of her husband for a long time
and yet she is surprised about the thoughts and ideas that he carries
and the amount of energy he has that makes him look after the affairs
of the Ummah, which doesn’t concern her at all. I have seen these women
who put obstacles in the path of her husband, discouraging him and
destroying his will and determination. Moreover she will make him
withdraw his concerns, zeal and energy regarding his Deen and the
Muslim Ummah and will start to work actively in disperse, discouraging
him by letting him down and watering down his responsibilities, which
will cause him to have depression. Moreover she will request and demand
her husband to do things that are not important, very difficult or
nearly impossible to do.
3. The
difficulties and the dangers which will occur in the way, the bloody
arrows which have been shot towards his chest and all other attacks
from all directions will make him seriously need to have beside him a
wife that understands the needs of the level of da’wah which he is at,
to be patient with him, firm and supportive in his way which is full of
thorns, hardship and pain. She must be patient, firm and realise that
her husband is not the first and only one who walks on this path full
of mines and thorns; rather history is full of men who have paid blood
as a price for the da’wah and the Deen of Islam.
She
must also realise that not all the harm and threats surrounding her
husband means he has failed the battle, rather victory could be hiding
itself in the form of loss and it may surprise people by the ideas and
thoughts that come out from the mouth of the da’ee and goes beyond all
obstacles to spread and be implemented as-well as break all barriers.
Therefore if a da’ee does not have at his home a wise and mature woman
that believes in what he believes in, then no doubt his home will miss
its main cause of family stability, which may affect the behaviour of
every member of the household, male or female.
4. There
is no doubt that a da’ee, whose concern is about the Muslim Ummah and
challenges the Pharaoh in authority is going to be so busy to the level
where he will rarely have time for his own children as he will be too
busy teaching the children of the Ummah and therefore have no time to
teach his own. Definitely he is needy for a believing mother (for his
children) that is unique and carries with him all the responsibilities
to reform the children and to look after them during the absence of
their own father, which inevitably will happen many times.
We
only need to look at some of the top Mujaahideen from among the Sahabah
and Tabi’een who had children yet did not see them except in very rare
occasions, whereas others did not see them at all as the father was too
busy on the da’wah field or battle field whilst his wife was delivering
a baby.
This
will give the women extra certainty that a da’ee is needy for a woman
so unique who is not like any other woman. In edition, the wife of the
da’ee is needy for special nurturing that enables her to pass the
obstacles, duties and responsibilities that are going to face her by
standing firm. This will push the husband for the continuity of his
activities in order to help him in his own struggle, especially as we
are living in a time where to stand firm to what you believe in is
strange or unusual, and those affected by defeatism (compromisers,
hypocrites etc.) do not want to do anything. Beyond doubt, a da’ee
deserves to have a special wife who gives him tranquillity, love and
shelter.
Dear
Muslim sisters, you are the hope of your da’ee husband to carry the
responsibilities from his shoulders and enable him to be fit and go out
to the da’wah field or jihad without to be concerned about his
responsibilities towards you and his children by being firm, patient,
supportive and appreciative and accepting any destiny that Allah has
designated for you and for the test which Allah inflicts upon you by
having a da’ee husband. Verily if you become patient on the path of Haq
(truth) you will get the maximum amount of reward from almighty Allah.
Dear Muslim sister, I can summarise to you my advice in 4 main points:
1. Make
Khadijah (ra) your example and leading role model who was a strong
right hand for her husband and a firm gentle touch to our Messenger
which enabled him to carry his message to mankind. Khadijah supported
him, believed in him, covered him and said to him her famous statement:
By Allah! Allah will never let you down because you are the one who
maintains the blood relationship, carry heavy responsibilities, help
the needy, support the weak, command the good and forbid the evil and
challenge all the corruption in society.
2. Wake
up in the night time and throw the arrows of the dark night in the
sehri time by supplicating to your Lord and ask him to protect your
husband and all the da’ees and to make them firm, victorious, have
‘izza and support.
3. Keep
yourself busy by nurturing the children of your husband, provide the
best knowledge and good deeds that makes them full of taqwa and Imaan
and plant in them that the conviction their father stands for is the
truth, and encourage them to do the same thing as their father.
4. Dear
Muslim sisters, if your husband is a da’ee be proud that your husband
carries the truth and be confident that the banners of Haq he carries
will never fall down even if he does.
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